Graphic Warning: This is very random. May or may not make sense. Read only if you are completely free.
Two years ago, when I saved flight money by not going home on Diwali, I decided to gift myself a little present. Being a Delhiite, buying a shit ton of crackers was my first obvious choice, but since philanthropists and environmentalists were getting laid a lot during those days, I decided not to purchase them. After all, there are just a limited number of ways where one can look up in astonishment and say “Oh God, this is amazing”.
Long story short, neither that happened nor the crackers. “But what should I do with that 10k Air India money I saved?”, I wondered. I remembered something being on sale on Amazon. So, I opened the app and there it was, my long lost lust: Kindle. Prices were slashed from 10k to 8.5k, and the little aunties inside me screamed in joy. My e-reader got delivered a day later. I still remember feeling a bit less hipster for buying it as it was time to say goodbye to the paperback. A few weeks passed, and I was completely immersed in my new gadget. I orgasmed at the feeling of not getting up to turn off the lights after reading the book at night, because Kindle, as you know, has its own backlight. Now in my room, lights were always off. I read books left right and centre. I would take my kindle everywhere, on trains, buses, cabs, while taking a dump and sometimes even while getting laid for being a philanthropist. I remember not missing anything about the paperback, except maybe the fact that reading a bulky one used to develop my bicep for a short span of 0 days.
Yesterday I was at my friend’s housewarming party. Before moving to Bombay, I never understood the concept of house warming parties. I mean you got a house, everyone has a house, what’s the big deal. But now that I understand the herculean job of house hunting in Bombay, I get why people would want to celebrate it. I got a nice place for myself like a year ago and I still keep treating myself and my friends while being in complete awe at this structure of four walls and a roof. Anyway, so as I was making myself comfortable and others uncomfortable by talking about the book that I was reading, a girl randomly stated this opinion as a generalised statement that paperbacks are obviously better than Kindle. I was perplexed, because a) how could she say that coz being a girl aren’t you like interested in environmentalists and all b) how could she be so confident while saying this bizarre thing. So I got into the argument and tried to defend my year old happy relationship with my Kindle. Her arguments varied from how she likes the smell of books to the turning of pages and which makes you realise the progress you are making with the book. Many people agreed with her too. I didn’t understand how some people could turn such a blind eye towards technological advances. I couldn’t fathom how “It can store like over a million books” didn’t occur to any of them while they unanimously agreed on sniffing books like street dogs. What’s in the smell anyway? Is it really that good that you will carry ten books in your luggage while going to a hill station? And if you like the smell so much, maybe just carry one book with you all the time, and read from a kindle. If you start missing the smell, sniff your paperback. I posed all sorts of properly framed rational questions to them like “Are you fucking mad?” “Will this sort of hipster culture ruin our civilisation?” And “why the fuck are you reading news online then, do newspapers smell bad?” to “Will you sleep with me afterwards?”, etc. None of them seemed to leave any impression on them. You can underline an important passage, they would say; you can highlight on kindle, I would promptly reply. In a train, you can know what other people are reading, they would say; nobody wants to know that, I would reply. But the smell is good; fuck your smell. It’s like they had already made up their minds and nothing I could say would ever convince them. Sad thing being, they never tried the Kindle. “This new hipster thing of not using technology will be the end of our civilisation”, I said to myself and went back to my place.
Lying there, on my bed, was my kindle. I looked at it with loving eyes and all sorts of self doubts like “how my nose might not be working as properly as other people’s do” vanished. I opened my Kindle and she asked “Do you wanna read me?” and I pounced on her. Lights were already turned off.