Everything isn’t going to be all right

Sometimes it’s incredibly hard to convince yourself that everything’s going to be all right because you have seen people and you have seen things and you know that everything is not going to be all right unless you do something about it. And the thing that sucks the most is that you absolutely don’t know what to do about it. What now? What should I chase after this? What will make everything all right for me?

The fact that everything’s going to be all right is probably true but the important question is, what is your all right? Is your all right something so mediocre that no matter what you do now, ten years down the road, you will achieve something which you never wanted to achieve, earn significantly higher than 50% of the population and have a small rented apartment in a not so expensive part of a metro city and a small car with a huge EMI and a few colleagues with a similar lifestyle? Or is your all right something completely different from this, something which you are still trying to figure out?

It’s not easy. Setting goals is not easy. Having clarity is not easy. Sometimes I feel like, I will end up doing everything to figure out what I want in my life and by the time I figure out what I love the most, I’ll be 45. 45 and married. With a sucky job. Pretending to be happy. Waiting to die.

You’re 22, you will figure out something in two-three years. If nothing works out, do MBA. Ya UPSC dedo. IAS ban jao.

This is our reality. Either you have chased this, and now you’re working as a bank manager or something, looking for an alternate career option; or you are trying to chase this to get out of the dilemma that you are facing now. The fact is most of us aren’t doing something that we love. We are just trying to love whatever we are doing. I know it’s a stupid generalisation to make, and I know I haven’t met even 0.001% of the population, but most of the people I’ve met are like “Bro, job chhodna hai. Nahi ho pa raha”. Is this what I want? I am not sure. I have adjusted enough in my life, and do I want to adjust in the next half of my life too? Umm, nope.

But what’s the solution? I don’t know and if I don’t get to know in the coming few months, I might start losing hope. It’s like I will be hopeless about achieving an unknown dream. But then why don’t you quit your job and do something that you like?  Well, I am doing something which I like, but I’m not sure if I am enjoying it. And seriously, quit your job and do something that you like? The amount of horse shit in this statement is unreal. Why? I am not going to explain this to someone who is either being a corporate slave himself or who is rich enough to afford talking shit like this.

In the last eight months, I have realised that taking risks needs a pair of balls and a bit of clarity. It’s not easy to play in an open field at day time and sleep there at night. You always need to have some amount of certainty in your life. A place where you can head back to. A place which is close to that field. And it seems like, finding a place which is close to that field is a huge task in itself. Once you reach there, the field is all yours. You can play whenever you like to.

For now, this sounds right to me. 2016 for me will be all about finding that place. Hope you find it too, if you haven’t already.


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