Phew!


Phew.
Finally thought of writing something after like forever. Well, that is not completely true. I have thought of writing quite a few times in these two-three months, but something or the other always came up. So anyway, the new thing about this blog post is that it’s being written from Bangalore. Rest others were written from Delhi. Yes, it’s been over a month since I have shifted.

Apart from the IP address, a lot of other things have changed too. While I am writing this, I am thinking of lighting a cigarette. I might open the window and smoke one. I might as well make a small peg of whisky with that. Or go for a walk at 12 in the night. This never used to happen in Delhi since I was living with my parents. So basically I am building this whole thing up to finish this paragraph with the theme of this blog post: independence.

Independence comes at a price. Sometimes, the price is washing your own undies and making your own tea and sometimes, the price is something else. Something bigger. I don’t know what. When I was in Delhi, my thoughts about living in Bangalore were completely different. I thought I would go there, enjoy my new job and occasionally write something like that Ayesha’s “New girl in the city” article. No, that’s not girly so stop judging me. But once you actually start living in the city, you realize how naive you were and how it’s a hundred times more challenging than what it looked like from Delhi. Shifting to a completely new place is not always easy. It never was. You need to start sailing your boat in a different way, in a different direction, in a different ocean. Being a good sailor won’t matter much, you will always, always need some time to adjust. You’ll always face some challenges.

… And here I am, adjusting. Challenging myself every day. Waking up daily, making my own tea, cleaning my own room, and perhaps, trying to survive, in my own funny way. It’s not easy, but I am managing. And that’s probably all that matters, I guess, in the end, it’s us who need to manage our own shit.

Life isn’t easy. I have seen enough failure this year and I am in the right position to say that, that life really isn’t easy. What makes it easy is the way how we conduct ourselves in different situations. I still think that had I celebrated my failure, for two-three more days instead of starting searching for jobs; I’d still have been in Delhi, waiting for my joining letter of some shit company, to code some shit for the rest of my life. I was lucky that I was surrounded by the right kind of people, but I know I won’t be lucky always. No one can be. What you have is the reality. You can’t change that. But what will happen next is in your hands. So, sail your boats, amigos, for tomorrow is a much better day than today and the failure of yesterday will matter (in a good way) a few years later. Stop waiting for that ‘something’ you don’t know about.

One thing I know for sure is that apart from your family there is no one who really understands you. So, if you are still trying to find a comfort zone, that ‘someone’ to whom you can look up to when you are down, then you’re bullshitting yourself. You’re bullshitting the whole concept of ‘independence’ for which you left your city and your parents in the first place. For me, independence is all about believing in yourself when you know that there is no one else who believes in you, it’s about getting up quickly whenever life kicks you in the teeth, it’s about travelling to random places and connecting with strangers instead of meeting the same group of friends all the time. Maybe I am wrong, but this is the definition I believe in. Let’s see if someone proves me wrong.

It’s getting long and I don’t know how to end this post so I am ending it now. Adios.

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2 thoughts on “Phew!

  1. OMG.. You are so right. I am in a similar situation like you. It is difficult but sometimes I feel a control over myself which I had never felt before. And that feels good.

    Like

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