You become the randomness


You know you’ve grown up when you start laughing at the random absurdities of life instead of frowning upon them.

When you start anticipating weirdest of the shit to happen with you at the weirdest of the times, you realise how life has been fucking up your plans since forever. Sometimes it’s suffocating, sometimes it’s hysterical and the rest of the times it’s just plain nothing. An abyss in which your choices echo till you scream your lungs out. An infinite in which you are falling relentlessly, opposing every force of this universe. A life which is a rock bottom in itself, and it keeps hitting you, till you feel numb.

And then one fine morning, when you wake up from your slumber, you realise you’ve never actually slept. The years have gone by in front of your eyes, and you’ve let them pass. You have seen them passing and you remember every year, every month, every day, every minute and every second, passing in front of your eyes; eyes which were wide open, dreaming about something which never existed in the first place. You keep telling yourself lies until they become an integral part of you. You become the part of the world which you’ve created for yourself, and the funny thing is, you feel suffocated. In your own goddamn world. The reality acts as an oxygen mask, and no matter how much you hate it, you can never dare to remove it.

You actually start seeing the pattern, you start predicting things, you predict them correctly nine out of ten times. And you know why you fail the tenth time? Because a small part of you still expects things to be how you want them to be. And when this tenth time gets repeated a thousand times, you realise the randomness. You start being one of them. You stop being you, you become them. You become a particle. You become the randomness.

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