That strange idea


You know it’s time to write a blog post when you start typing random things and keep on deleting them. Today was one of those days. So, here I am.
Recently (last week to be precise), all my entrance examinations for higher studies got over and by mid-December the results will be out. Not caring about the result. Not even a bit. For Socrates proved that good things happen to good people (read ‘The Republic” by Plato). And I am a good guy. At least, I think I am. Anyway, the past one week has been one of the best weeks in terms of observations and experiences. I gained a lot. I learned a lot of things.

Warning: This might get a little cheesier from here 

I always had this strange idea of love. An idea which had the exact girl I wanted, with the exact ingredients, with the exact amount of humour, understanding, and what not. I guess everyone has this idea of their own. And it’s okay to have such an idea. But the thing sucks when you already are in a relationship with someone; and somehow you start to think that that’s not your love. And why? Because it doesn’t fulfil the idea of your love. You start thinking how good things will be if you get the exact love that you have dreamt of. You start hating yourself for being in a relationship in which you aren’t in love. But that’s not true.

I was in a fight (yet another) with my girlfriend and during the argument, she said this one thing, “If you aren’t in love with me, then look into my eyes and tell me to go away”, and I couldn’t do that. Although that was the only thing I was thinking to do for a few weeks. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t utter those words. I froze. Sure that it’s a hard thing to do and generally people don’t have the guts to say it but the kind of a stolid person I am with no tinge of heart whatsoever, I was shocked at this strange yet powerful reality. With an awkward smile, I hugged her and went home. Sometimes, reality bites at the right place.

Not saying that I’ve given up on the idea of my love. But the idea has started fading. Maybe I am getting much more than what my idea of perfection is. Maybe if I find the right girl, it won’t work out. There are probabilities and possibilities, and one should never stop looking out for them. But to live in the present is one of the most important things to do. You can’t seize the moment. The moment seizes you. It captures you. You are the beautiful snapshot of this video and the movie hasn’t ended yet. So to live with an idea of future in your present might not be one of the best things to do. Who knows what’s there in the bag.

Now whenever I remember that conversation, it brings a smile to my face. One of those things which gets captured in your memory forever. Sure plenty of fish are there in the water, but what if someone is giving you a whale and all you’re doing is goddamn ignoring it.

Ah, what a cheesy post. Even I can’t read it again. But whatever. My blog.

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One thought on “That strange idea

  1. There is love and there is the idea of love. It’s never about reaching that strange idea, it’s always about finding perfect satisfaction without even reaching there. Because it’s almost always utopian. But don’t hold on to what’s not love for the fear of being lonely. You’re cheating yourself and her.

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