I am fucking wasted


I don’t know why I am writing this post. An hour back, I decided to write about how depressing my life is. After trying for like half an hour, I couldn’t write more than two paragraphs. Generally it takes me 15 minutes to write a post and 23 days to edit that. I wasn’t able to figure out why I couldn’t write about it  as I have plethora of depressing stuff happening around me. Maybe the whole thing sounded bizarre or maybe it was just one of those days when you try to write about something and after writing the whole thing, you are like “Well, fuck it”. Some days, words fail us. They stop falling into the places where you want them to fall. They are very moody. And today they were PMSing and I was in no mood to pamper them. Funny how you can write about words and you can use them at the same time. I am sure that’s one thought which never came across anyone’s mind.

Have you ever thought if there is one single thought which nobody has ever thought of? Have you ever thought of this thought? Now you are thinking why you are reading this when clearly you have to go to work tomorrow or sleep or eat shit fuck whatever. Now you are smiling. Oh now you are not. Now you are smiling again. Oh stop it you are blushing now. LOOK AT YOUR PINK CHEEKS. OHEMGEE.

If you’ve read the above two paragraphs and you are reading this one, clearly you have nothing going on in your head. So let’s be serious now. Ever wondered how depressing your life is? Like even though you try to remain all positive and laughing and shit, it actually is depressing. You come home from work/college and you make your own food and occasionally meet up with same people and drink the same daaru and pay the same amount of money and come back to the same home without feeling a single thing. You log in to your FB or twitter account and troll some random girl or bully her and feel good and bad about your existence at the same time. Ever wondered how this shit is actually depressing but we are so fucking used to it that we tend to enjoy it? I am not being pessimistic and I am not talking about that rich class of prince and princes who get to travel and shit every month. I envy them for having rich parents. Nonetheless, they must have their own problems and someday I hope to be in that situation to share those problems with you, without being biased. Our lives are seriously depressing. ‘Our’ constitutes of guys and girls who are living away from their parents to do a job which they don’t want to do so that they can send money to them which they don’t want to send. And engineers. Engineers can fit in any category. I am an Engineer myself and I have no idea what the fuck i am doing with my life. Took coaching classes for JEE. Ruined it. Took admission in some college and ruined another two years. Took classes to crack CAT and ruined the third year. Will take a job and ruin two more years. Will decide to take CAT/IAS again and ruin that year. Will marry and ruin the rest of my life.  Basically we fucking ruin everything and that’s our fucking job. That’s why this stream exists. God doesn’t love us.

So now coming back to the topic, of which I have no idea what it is about in the first place, why are our lives like this? Is there any fault in our education system or are we just used to suck everything with bamboos in our asses? I never get this thing that why do we have to make a career and adjust with it. Why can’t we like just fucking roam around and do whatever we want to do? Why do we have to have a job and a degree to decide if we are respectable enough to live in this society (which I think is totally fucked up)? If your educational qualification is the only thing that you have got, then you are just another slave of this society. But hey we can’t do anything about it so let’s just fucking adjust and wake up in the morning with a fucking hangover and a sad smile. Because that’s all we can do. Nothing more. Nothing less.

 

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9 thoughts on “I am fucking wasted

  1. True. Events in our lives do make us feel depressed. Monotone of our routines could well make us feel low. But have we ever realized that THIS is one life that million others could be envying?
    I was once very low about the amount of work I had to do. Studies+Loads of ‘unwanted’ extracurricular stuff. I was in a way all screwed up. Just then, I met a College friend whom I had seen after a long time. She is blind. Her eyesight was lost at the age of 16. She keeps looking for writers for exams and class notes. She wishes to study as much as she wants but unfortunately, is able to find help from the audio sources/recorded books ONLY which is very limited.
    In the flow of our conversation, she emphasized upon how lucky I was to have eyes! “Shagun, agar mai dekh sakti toh mai poora din padhti aur saare kaam khud karti…Par koi nahi.” were her words.
    That day, I would not say I was TOTALLY changed for mood swings do grip me at times, but I did get a major change in my perspective. What am I bored of? Having to do the same stuff again? At least, I can DO it all myself!
    Getting into a College or going for coaching, all of the junk that you think aided in ruining your life are actually things that many dream of but are unable to achieve.
    PS: No intentions of “preaching life values and stuff” here. I feel pissed off at times too. Just that I know exactly how it feels and how good it feels to be relieved of it. And yeah, you can always do what you want. Its not the system but our fear of the system and social acceptance that prevents us from pursuing what we really want to do 🙂

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    • Very true. Still the monotonous life depresses you most of the times. The incident you mentioned is quite touching though.
      And no, you can’t do whatever you want to do. Without a proper degree/job, you are treated like just another animal who would somehow survive but won’t be given the respect it deserves.
      Also, thank you for sharing your feelings. (You almost wrote an article)

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  2. See you can take my example only, I’m a Stud & A Playboy at the same time. I play with girls heart & fucks them for fun. That’s my daily routine plus me too an aspiring engineer taking coaching out in kota ( writing this from there only while lying in bed with brazzers site opened in my other tab) so where was i yeah even i don’t know what i m writing but thought to give it a shot, , coz i was bored!! And im a cule you can find me on twitter too @artofdribbling

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