DiS neuww FacEbuK lAnguazzz ReaLLy suXx maHn!


Yeah, certainly it sucks. Facebook is probably the worst invention ever. And what has worsen it is the type of language used while chatting. English language is brutally gang-raped by our social networking sites. Every me, my, myself word is now- ma, mah, ma-self. I wonder what they gonna call the real ‘maa’ in this language. ‘Mm’ or just ‘m’? Or like Roshez -‘Moma’? Nevermind.

The other day I was surfing some beauties on facebook. I am just another spiderman in surfing NET. Suddenly a chatbox popped up. This girl just sent me a message having codes as “Hisup?”. I was spellbound, probably because it seemed to me like a spell. As Sectumsepra, so as hisup! I didn’t know what to reply. So, I rather ignored that and waited for another message because that chatbox was showing in italicsΒ “this and this girl is typing some shit again, beware”.Β I was still waiting. Then another helluva code appeared ‘houwzz eyur lyfs gng?? Euw dere’ . God! What was that! But I wanted to just figure out what she was saying. I went through each and every word very carefully.

The ‘hisup’ toh I just ignored. It was like a 7th part harry potter spell. So to crack that, you first have to read goblet of fire or probably philospher’s stone. I concentrated on her second reply. The first word was ‘houwzz’. On applying some brains , I 90 percent just locked the word ‘how’ with an unwanted ‘u’ and considered her slip of fingers on the key ‘z’ . Or probably she was boozzzzzed up enough, that’s why this ‘zz’ was there. But why would she signal me that boozed up thing. She wants me to comfort her? Sex? No, no. I just controlled that typical boy’s mind which apparently ends up thinking sex everytime on seeing any girl. I locked ‘how’ and moved on.

‘eyur’ was the second code to break.I applied brains. This word was looking like a breed of the words ‘eye’ and ‘ear’. I just fixed my mind in that ‘breed’ meaning and decided to move further without sorting out that damn code.

‘lyfs’ was the next word. It was too simple when compared to previous ones. I figured it out as ‘life’ with a poor grammatical mistake.

‘gng’ . This was either ‘gang’ or it was like the name of some band. As GnR so as GnG! The question mark after this word assured me that ‘chap, it seems sentence is completed, now mix all the bloody codes’. I did that. But it became like another code. ‘How’s life gang’ or ‘How’s life GnG’ with effects of ear and eyes to be considered. All of a sudden, I saw a status’ I am gng to Jaipur tommorow’. So, if this is the same gng the girl has used , then the word is ‘going’. Yay. So, finally it made sense. ‘How’s life going’ but the sentence seemed to be incomplete without the word ‘your’. I put that ‘eyur’ as ‘your’ before life and Trust me, it worked. ‘How’s your life going??’ was the sentence.

‘euw dere’, from the above results, I concluded it to be ‘ you deer’. But i am not a deer. Why the fuck she wrote that. Or did she mean ‘ you dear’. Aww, so sweet. She really likes me? Really? Sex?

God! Again my mind went there. I ignored that word anyway.I was about to reply ‘fine’ as an answer to that code, which I just solved. But , that bitch disappeared. She was offline now after torturing me for like about 5 minutes.

I still remember that chat. And never literally figured out the meaning of ‘hisup’ until I met that girl yesterday. She told me that her spacebar was like not working properly , so the words ‘hi’ and ‘sup’ got mixed. I replied , even if your spacebar worked properly , I still might not have been able to figure out the words. She said arey ‘ sup’ means ‘wassup’ i.e ‘what’s up’. I nodded and just fucking ran away from that queen of acronyms. From that day, I probably never came online. BUT Seriously, why this kolaveri di?

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